~~Expressing myself~~ (love letter)
(self composed love letter)
I truly never dreamed, that someday I would be penning my thoughts this way.
Many times, quandary had caught me regarding my decision to pour out myself, but this delighted heart and anxious mind was never with the positive thoughts, perhaps with the fear, ‘after else, I might lose what I have today’.
Among the best moments to recall in my college life, from last 18 months, the virtual involvement of someone special has matter me little more than everything. The time when my literature had started fading due to excess of imagination, she arrived in my life; she arrived as ‘girl of my life literature’. But as span with time, she created her own space to be settled in my life. Not only as first and last thought of a day, her appearance in my dream, every alternate day, used to heal my nightmares, giving me the question, “is she the same princess who is supposed to rule the remaining phase of my life….!!!!
With the moments, seed of my one sided crush grew up to be strong love. Her single appearance, I used to feel being blessed with something wishes. Her sparkling smile, though they were never meant for me, were enough to glow my day & forgetting everything, I had started to sing & dance on most romantic numbers and life turning with the point, “I have fallen in love with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever found. For all these, I had something more to write about her, and something to pen down her being here. And that beautiful monalisa whom I was painting, was simply Anamika, yeah, it is you Anamika!!!
Yeah Anamika, slowly, I had started missing you in my college surroundings and my eye often and often searched for you. For those moments on where I found you, I used to be happy, smiling and then glancing at only and only you, those all bringing best to my creativity.
Not only in my literature, my thoughts, my dream and my praying had experienced this beautiful rainbow, decorating my life with much needed beauty. Life then felt like getting an existence, coz everything nearby me, they were beautiful… they were beautiful because they had a stunning reason to be beautiful.
I always believed successful love can happen despite the differences in socio-economic status, linguistic and regionalism because I had faith, for somebody coming to my life; I can express myself without any words or signals. I was with the philosophy; perfection in love can be reached even in absence of quality we normally search for and for the girl coming to my life, I will never give a look upon them, but simply shall accept as she is…
But, I again asked myself, will she ever accept me for the linguistic and difference of regionalism we carry among each other? A girl beautiful enough, stylish in look, charming and confident on herself, will she even look at this simple guy? Someone whom half of college knows, will she be having any place for this stranger, even just as a simple friend?
Anamika, these strange feeling, might be true in them, but filled with negativity brought lots of nightmare in between, still confident with myself, I shall never regret for a moment that had gifted me bunch of smile for umpteen numbers of times.
But again, when I recalled my luck of finding you in college, numerous times in front of display gallery or college building gate, sometime in front of physics lab or inside the college canteen, unplanned and non-chased, almost every day meet, gave hopes to me, forcing me to think if destiny has really something for both of us. The addition and subtraction of permutation and combination of my birthday resulting to yours’ was a surprising among all. My heart too analyzed with the knowledge of statistics, never any outcome or result can be sidelined at all!!! After all, because of, it’s the only love which can conquer everything, then, I decided to express myself.
With all my conscious thoughts, I confess, I am in love with you.
My eye has finally found and recognized that precise who had visited my dreams on many occasion. And since then I found you in my real world, you have been the best friend of not only my literature, not only of my thoughts and my dream, but of me individual myself too!!! I felt, I have started flowing in this beautiful world, with love around and around, concluding, love is in the air that I am breathing!!!
Truly, from speaking with you to wishing you in your birthday, I missed every of them from all my heart. I missed you when I was sharing my happiness with myself and I missed you lot when I couldn’t hold your hands in few of your pain and tears. I wished, I could be there for you, in every of your needed moments, and I could share you happiness of my life with you, but again, someone had said, life has dilemma attached with it and in this stage of uncertainty, a single happening can change the entire dream and the everything can jumbled in just few seconds…
My girl, My Anamika, this is invitation for you to come in my life, and please accept it only if you feel comfortable for all of these. Yeah, the chances of you already have created your own world can’t also be neglected, but, for the every moment of life, until the time, I will be there for you.
Might be, my all expressions of love can be ignored by you, but I still shall be respecting your decisions, shall be respecting you, your arrival in my life and place allotted for you.
I would feel myself the luckiest if you feel, I can be there for you, I promise, I will never let your tears fall into drops to company you, ever and ever despite any hurricanes or cool breeze passing with me, I shall be there for you.
Whatever and however the condition shall be, you shall be penned as girl of my literature till the eternity, and you shall be within me, not as of my story girl or my dream girl, but simply as Anamika, love of my life, and as the biggest miracle recently happened with me!!!
Loving you till the end!!!
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