Love is in the air
|Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash|
Time was changing, and I wanted to adopt this change. I wanted to dream, and I wanted to achieve a lot of unachievable goals of a realistic dream in my life. On every moment, I lost, I used to make myself more determined to climb the summit I have ever even imagined to reach.
This time it looked like I lost everything. My ever calm mind had started asking many questions of why, why, and why? But even in this tensed moment, my heart never stopped dreaming. Unachievable dream leads to instability and high curiosity in life; I could realize it once again because this time, things were completely different.
Neha, Neha, and Neha… although my mind was assured of not getting this beautiful black beauty in my life, the other part of my body had not stopped showing its unusual characteristics when she used to rise in my surrounding. She was engaged, my heart knew it and even my mind. Still, I had not stopped praying for her. Yet, she has not stopped coming in my dreams, not only to be my inspiration but with the claim, "she will be the same who shall be with me in the coming future."
Even in this unusual closeness, I was very very far from the heart of my beautiful princess. Trying to be lost inside her beautiful eye was my recent hobby, but at the same time among the mass and among her again, I had to react that she is not more than a stranger for me. I was afraid to talk to her; I was forced to hide my smile in front of her. I wanted to be her friend at least, but sometimes I feel if whether we are destined to be stranger forever and for eternity!
It was on Friday. We used to have only 3 lectures. Today I wanted to know the truth behind her relationship status, promising myself that if she is engaged, I will never be on her way, and if not, I shall try speaking to her as soon as possible and will try gifting her some bunch of smile for what she means to me! Still, the other part of my heart assures my mind, whatever be the result I shall be praying for her always.
Asking a question of engagement to Neha herself was not the correct way for much-unsaid reasons, so I decided to ask one of her close friends. After my lecture period got over, I went outside the college building and sat under the tree where students used to wait for their friends. I needed to wait 50 more minutes to get an answer to my question if Neha is really engaged? To predict the response, I sometimes used to toss the coin as head or tail, always praying the outcome to be "she is not engaged." At the time, the toss used to predict "she is still single" my heart used to get a huge relief, and I remember I had tried it repeatedly to increase the satisfaction. Sometimes even going to the next question, "will I get her in my life?" "Will I be able to talk with her tomorrow?" and many more unanswered question. Sometimes the outcome of toss used to be pinching my heart and to make result in my favor, I used to extend the toss game as "best of 3", "best of 5" "best of 7" and so on, until the result used to support that it's my day today. I even plucked out the petals of the flowers with count "she is engaged… she is not… she is... Not… she is … she is not..." and so on….
Perhaps all happening reflected that a seed of love which was planted before 6 months has been enrooted to every corner of my heart.
The duration of 50 minutes was never so long earlier as it was on that day. I was trying to sort out the reliable name that I could ask this question, but the very next minute I felt I was in Coma! With well fitted brown top and light brown jeans, the lady of my heart was coming out of the college gate. The physical distance between the two of us was decreasing at a rapid pace, and as usual for me, the whole surroundings had gone blank. I could see no one except her. Fairness of her skin was unruffled by the sun heat. The shining untied brown hair was one of the best features I felt she had. She always used to match her earring, her nail polish, and even sandal with her dress. At a few occasions, I have ever observed the different color shades of lipstick she applied, else her lips frequently had shimmering mirage covered with transparent lip gloss and in every form of her dressing, and she was beyond compare. To match her brown dressing, today she had brown lipstick bounded by the black liner. Even her earring, her belt and her leather sandal too! They all were brown. Of course, for these beautiful dress up I definitely won't re-name her as "brown beauty" or something else.
Just a few meters away from me, she stopped to wait for her friends. She gave me a look and in no time turned towards the gate. Perhaps as for me, her mind might have got few questions about me like, "isn't this the same moron who was staring at me in physics lab?", or maybe "why on earth is he standing here?" or conceivably she maybe with the thought, "Had I seen this guy somewhere?" or ... or perhaps she was lost in her heart with her favorite regional song! I tried opening my mouth, but my inability to talk in front of her was just like a dumb person who has lost his voice since birth.
I should at least said "hello" but even to be ensured that this procedure is not wrong; it took me a lot of time. Finally, when I decided to say a few words, her friend Nisha came out of the college building, repeatedly saying "sorry." Neha pointed a finger towards the watch on her hand, perhaps she was expressing uneasiness on her being late. This time I couldn't talk to her, but from my inner heart, I definitely thanked Nisha for being late. They hurriedly went away, and I could only say "turn back once Neha…" which only my heart could hear. To test if my love is real and if my heart has a connection with her's, I repeatedly murmured, "please turn back once…" but she never did… and perhaps it was today's answer, "till today, destiny has no plans of connecting two of our hearts together."
Soon one of her closer classmate Gaurab came out of the gate. Though Neha and I had a lot of mutual friends, Gaurab was the only one with whom I had shared some moments of my life too! So this time without thinking twice, I decided to get the answer to my curiosity from him. But again! To what degree shall I turn the question so that he may not have any problem in his mind which I never want to answer, in fact, I never want my one-sided crush to get exposed among people!
Gaurab saw me sitting below the tree, and I greeted him "hi" He came to me. For the formality, I asked him about his study. His answer was, "it's going fine, but need some extra luck for the exam." I wished him good luck. He wanted to know why I was sitting below the tree. I replied, "waiting for a friend, but I don't know if he will really come." Gaurab used to go to his home by train, so I asked him, are you going towards the station? He replied, "yes." As even my destination was also the station, we started walking together…
Neha had the subject combination of Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics. They were in "A" division while we were settled in B division. One of the unique qualities of "A" division students was their unity, and they had a close group. Don't know if it was the chemistry bonding lecture effect which had made their bonding stronger. Their group had participated in every function of college curriculum activities. I continued the talk with Gaurab, "so u people are enjoying the college life? Anything special there?"
He replied: "No, as final exams are fast approaching we are busy finalizing practical journals and assignments."
"Still, the first year of college will definitely be a memorable one for you, isn't it?"
"Yeah, quite memorable, few lectures, few bunking, few parties and many things, we had been enjoying it to our fullest…"
Parties! Well, now I got some hint to ask. So being curious to find my answer, I asked him, "oh yeah, recently I heard you people were partying one of your friend's post-engagement celebration? Is it so?"
This time with a surprise on his face, he asked me, "but how did you know about this?"
This unexpected reply of Gaurab almost de-oxidized my blood, this means the information of her engagement must be a real incident, and my heart started visualizing my attendance of her marriage which might be occurring in a few years. My world seemed like quaked with larger rector scale, and I was searching for an emergency exit when Gaurab reframed the question, "who told you about Neha's engagement?"
I answered, "We have physics practical on the same day in the same laboratory, so her friends were discussing her post-engagement party in the practical lab itself, I got to know it from their discussion."
On our way to the station, I usually used to have Chinese bhel, but this time I wanted to eat nothing. Within a few seconds, we passed Chinese bhel wala, there comes a sugarcane juice shop. Gaurab offered me juice. Although I was not a fan of sugarcane juice, I didn't reject his offer, and we each had a glass of sugarcane juice. His answer had made two of us silent for a few minutes until he again restarted the conversation.
"Last month, Neha was absent in the college for about one week, only a few of us knew why she was absent, and no one else in the class knew about it, so the rumor of her engagement got spread in the whole class."
Gaurab's few last words brought some interest in me, and I began talking as if the sugarcane juice has invoked some calories and instant energy in my body. His word "rumor" was vividly explaining everything, still trying to talk less, I replied to him, "rumor! Means?"
"Actually it was her brother's marriage, and when she was absent, someone spread the rumor that she is getting married, this continued until she clarified it. As her birthday treat was pending she threw the party, she invited a few of us to her house on the weekend." This means the toss of a coin was speaking the truth, this means maybe she will accept me as her friend in my life and of course I wanted nothing more than this. Those confirmation words of Gaurab gave me infinite joy and excitement and my heart had already started singing a beautiful song, it asking my body to dance though according to me I am the worst dancer and worst singer in entire world…
Soon we reached the platform, and at the same time, train to his Ambernath arrived on platform number 1. In a hurry, Gaurab shook hands, wishing goodbye and he boarded his train. 30 seconds later, my train arrived in the opposite platform where I boarded in my usual compartment. I was not tired today, a first-class compartment is almost vacant at this hour, I didn't sit anywhere as I was not tired today and perhaps I wanted to experience the blow of the speeding wind. Fresh breeze of air was getting reflected through my face hoping this air will make her realize "she is one whom my mind remembers the whole day and my heart architects the time spent with her. At the same time, my eyes are asking me to dream for the upcoming days, and she is with me in those wonderful moments in that dream home. As per my promise which I had made to myself that I will definitely talk to her the next day because interacting with this sweet pie has been the recent ambition of my life and more than about the planning of examination, I was concentrating on what else I need to do to be her friend because I wanted to be her friend and never wanted to lose her then onwards. Yeah, being friends with someone was not a great job at all, but I had hidden love for Neha, I too had tremendous respect for this beautiful girl of my life and the same respect for her had stopped me from talking to her, not once, not twice but umpteen number of time because I had an unanswered question, "Am I eligible to be a friend of this angel whose charm had softened each and every heart of the college?" This time, the story of my life looked so simple, yet very complicated. People might ignore to accept what all is happening to me, yet my heart is a testimony of all, it's realistic, and it is the truth of my life. From the stage of place where my chat history with Neha is blank, I am finding love is still in the air, with a match on balance and I know I should capitalize my luck. Don't know how I shall be doing this, but if not done early, maybe someone will come, and I'll be catch-out and sent out of the pavilion.
love is still in the air