Convincing myself to deal with ‘Her Rejection.’
People say The other name of love is ‘passion.’ There are times when we find things going wrong with us through the people we love the most. Their doubts, their disbelief, their anger hurts, But….
On those times when I get frustrated and disappointed from her, I pray and ask God to give me the courage to bear and stay calm. It often helps.
Last week was one such day. I can’t be angry with her; She knows this. No, Nowhere. But when I find myself taken on such granted, it disappointed me a lot. I could agree, she can’t love me back or trust in the same way, but at least I deserve some respect! Frustration kept going up!
Then it starts the much-heated conversation with my heart and my mind. I wanted the answer, why have I kept her in my life. Why am I making her so close here?
I remember my friend shouting me many times, “I am crazier to the person whom my heart will never be able to reach.”
I start asking myself, “why I care this stranger when she doesn’t need me in any of the stages of her life? Why do I love her so much when I know that she is not even willing to accept me as her ‘good friend’?”
As always, in search of the answer, I focused on prayers. This time I asked God to fade out of my love If we are not destined for each other. As my feeling for her burns me, I even kept promising my God as
“If she is not for me, please let me know God… After your this answer, for my whole life, I won’t be asking who will be my soulmate, nor I shall ever ask you to send any girl in my life… I won’t even disturb her from tomorrow… Just help me by letting my love for her fade if she is not my love…Let it vanish because I can’t stay on this dim hope with so much of pain and frustration….”
I kept praying even after I reached my bed without knowing when I fall asleep.
As I got up in the morning the other day, I felt different. I found peace in my heart with no pain. A burden relieved and taken out of my life. I found myself happier than yesterday with no complaints.
Recalling my earlier day prayer, I asked myself, “Did my LORD answered my prayer?”
I realized, Yes, HE answered. But in HIS way, in HIS method, maybe for HIS plan. I smiled, I cheered up and I turned excited hoping I won’t again be trouble maker for the girl I was in love.
But, Before I could remember anything else, the virtual sketch of her smiling face got painted in my vicinity, to find what I have for her today is more than of yesterday. I wanted this feeling to be faded, but it has grown in an inexpressible way which is beyond my understanding, and surely, more than what she can believe.
|Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash|
I grew in love for her. I realized today I love her more than of yesterday, and I can keep loving even if she won’t love me back. I am confident; I can care for her with no expectations. I found her in my heart, beautiful, lovable and cute than of ever. I found her as my princess, as the girl I have loved so much, and maybe as my soul mate. Hmmm; may not be as a soul mate, or perhaps if it is on HIS will…
Her anger, her hatred feelings for me and every one of her doubts and disbelief, they didn’t disturb or stumble me. They just helped me to reach closer to my love, closer than of yesterday; to love her with no expectation, to be committed and to promise myself, “I will be with her for forever, till the time I can understand myself, Yeah, till the end of my life…”
Since that day, I never bothered about what she has for me or what she will be having for me. I tried on a few of the occasion to reach her and to glow smile on her face, but not to appeal myself, not to speak about myself, not even to express my love. Just to be for her, only for her as the answer to my life.
This blog is also published on https://medium.com/@authorsuraj_41501